soon all that i could see
was rocks in front of me
covering my eyes

i've seen more than i should see
this indignity
claims a part of me

time may not be on my side
why does light have to fade
waiting for the day?

i wanted something more
more than anything
nothing much has changed...

made for more than waiting for my time
watch me make some waves
before they crash on me

fight for the night is young;
glimpse into a world
that's straining to get out

i hear a sound that's borne of frustration
the stones are crying out for life and freedom
this mother's still got signs of dilation
the grave will give its babies back to you

hope is all i've got to rely on
welcome pain, my shoulder to cry on
not much more for me to decide on
strain for the life to come out

hope is all i've got to rely on
welcome pain, my shoulder to cry on
not much more for me to decide on
you can't kill it, it will rise

by one life left

bcos unichurch was having a big sunday @ lambton high sch ...
i decided 2 check out charlene's church, church180 ...
of course worship was like a freaking hillsongs concert ...
the stage piped mist in a blue spotlight ...
it kinda reminded me a bit of my campuscity/u-campus days ...
i do miss them but you noe ...
anyway, i'm kinda glad i went today ...
by right, the post title shud read 'failure freedom' ...
failure is sumthin every1 copes with ...
and i learnt alot fr the speaker tonite ...

failure is ...
- a human certainty
- needs to be defined
- an unseen stepping stone to success
- not risking all for one dream
- not final
- increases wisdom
(there's alot more but i just can't remember)

i luvved how the speaker said that failure needs 2 be defined ...
dun let failure define you but you define wat failure is ...
so if you failed yesterday, that was yesterday ...
today is a different day & you just go ahead with it ...
also, failure is not failing to make a dream come true but not risking all for it ...
one of my faves is that failure is not final ...
just bcos you failed it doesn't mean it's over ...
the speaker gave an example of peter in the bible ...
jesus predicts peter's denial b4 he gets arrested & crucified ...
peter says tt he wud nvr deny the lord 3 times b4 the cock crows tt day ...
but when the cock crowed tt day, peter found himself in the garden alone weeping cos he had indeed denied the lord thrice ...
the next day he went back 2 his fishing boat thinking it was all over ...
but jesus rises fr the dead & who does he go back 2 call 2 follow him - peter ...
how amazing is that :)

'... persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.' 2corinthians 4v9

i noe wat many of y'all think when you hear this topic : failure freedom ...
exams, no?
to tell you the truth, i didn't ...
i thought of it only in 2 ways ...
well i dunno if my parents knew but back home in m'sia ...
i always felt i had this huge pile of expectations on my head ...
growing up in church with godly parents & a father as a deacon ...
ppl nvr fail 2 single you out in church & talk bout you ...
so wat is yueenmun doing? how much did yueenmun score in her last exams? is yueenmun in the church choir? where is yueenmun going to study next? surely yueenmun wudn't wear sumthin like that? how's yueenmun's relationship with her sister?
i felt like i always had 2 have it ...
you cud nvr afford 2 lose it, even for 1 moment ...
IT played a major part of my life ...
i remember telling charlene anxiously, 'i can't afford to lose it!!! every1 is watching me ...'
but let me tell you, there were days when i just completely lost it ...
and it felt crappy cos i was worried bout wat others might say ...
and tonite's speaker reminded me ...
i'm just human, humans aren't perfect ...

'we know that the law is spiritual; but i am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. i do not understand what i do. for what i want to do i do not do, but what i hate to do. and if i do what i do not want to do, i agree that the law is good. as it is, it is no longer i myself who do it but it is sin living in me.' romans 7v14-17

so there'll always be days when i lose it ...
my new self is still in my old self (body) ...
i'll just hafta learn how 2 handle it & enjoy the days tt go smoothe ...

another thing i hate failing at ...
is the fact how i always screw up trying to talk 2 my non-christian frens bout jc ...
i have just messed up all the opportunities i've had so far this yr ...
and let me tell you there were just so many ...
i remember bawling on skype 2 my mom just a mth ago ...
and she startled me by telling me, 'dun be too hard on urself, just grab the next opportunity you have & do it right ... go find out how 2 do it properly' ...
which i'm really glad tt FOCUS is running a 4-week thingy on frequent questions asked by non-christians ...

i also remember my daddeee very clearly in this matter ...
my dad's all 4 trying over & over again ...
i was in 1st yr uni, 1st semester & i failed a subject ...
and i was completely devastated & i told my dad i wanted 2 switch course ...
dad was like, 'so u're just gonna give up like that? and wat happens if you fail in this other course? are you gonna switch again? no, you just keep working at it' ...
dad's other fave quote is, 'dun reject urself, just put in ur application & let them reject you' ...
mommeee has a diff approach altgthr, which i will not go into :)

well, i've basically learnt 2 cope with the exam perspective on this one ...
so i won't say much bout that ...
hope every1's study is going well ...
i'll leave you with a pic of my cruiser groupies ...
jenn, me , cheryl & shu have started having sleepovers ...
we're planning 2 start study grping tgthr since we're all getting stressed out ...
so we can all get high on facts & alcohol ...
woohoo!




fave song of the day : the veronicas - untouched